(Today, I gave my friend the following letter to include in the Goldman-Sachs' mail delivery. Posted by Marie)
Edward Liddy, Chief Executive, AIG - % Goldman-Sachs
David Finiar, Chief Financial Officer, Goldman-Sachs
New York, NY
Dear Mr. Liddy & Mr. Finiar:
I am writing to invite you to receive the 2009 "Best Capitalist Business Practices” Award. While only the first quarter of 2009 has been reported, a panel of experts has determined that no other capitalist could possibly out distance the achievements of Goldman-Sachs in what's left of 2009.
This is a unique award. You were selected by a panel of experts from the Prospect Heights Entrepreneurs Without Portfolio (PHEWP).
I am pleased to highlight the Goldman-Sachs "best practices" achievements since receiving $10 billion from the US. Treasury in October 2008 and $12.9 billion from the AIG bailout.
Goldman-Sachs Best Capitalist Business Practices
1. Oil the VERY BIG Revolving Door: Have many alumnae with real power in high places. This is a traditional practice of a good capitalist. However, Goldman-Sachs has taken this to a very refined level. Going through the revolving door are:
Henry Paulson, a former GS chief executive, while Secretary of the Treasury, is credited with the singular achievement of “forcing” GS to take $10 billion dollars for toxic asset relief, while getting rid of all the possible competition – (Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers – gone and Merrill-Lynch force-fed to Bank of America at a hefty price).
Robert Rubin, pioneered the VERY BIG Revolving Door practice in 1993 when he left the G-S Chairman’s door to become National Economic Council director and then Secretary of the Treasury for the Clinton Administration.
Obama Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner (a protégé of Robert Rubin)has given “Steve Shafran, a former favorite of Paulson's, and Bill Dudley, Goldman's former chief economist and now the successor to Geithner as head of the New York Fed the task of resurrecting the market for securitized assets” Goldman Sachs has more than 30 ex-government officials registered to lobby on its behalf
2. Oil the VERY BIG Revolving Door Often with all partners who might “owe you money". This was very successful with Edward Liddy, appointed by Henry Paulson as the current AIG Chief Executive and who was a former GS Board member, has achieved a significant best practice. All those bad business practices investments got paid off by those pesky credit-default swaps from the $170 billion AIG Federal rescue package – authorized by – (back to the top) Henry Paulson. Goldman received just under 10% of the $170 AIG bailout to day.
Now, that is a class act!
3. Change Your Underwear Often. This best practice should be used regularly. The most recent success was how Goldman-Sachs successfully changed itself into a bank holding company last year (with the blessings of the Feds, hmmm, Goldman-alumnae of course). Why is this important…? See No.4.
4. Change The Calendar. When Goldman changed underwear to become a bank holding company, it required changing the accounting fiscal year to end on December 31 (2008) instead of November 30, 2008. Who would have guessed but this changes the quarterly reporting and the result is that December doesn’t count in the First Quarter profit reports. Goldman lost approximately $2.6 billion in December, 2008.
This is brilliant.
5. Share The Wealth but OUTSOURCE to Insure Not Sharing the Wealth Too Far. According the the Wall Street Journal, over 900 Goldman employees received bonuses of $1 million for their stellar accomplishments in 2008. In contrast, Goldman-Sachs mail is delivered by persons who make $15.00 an hour ($10.00 an hour to start), with no bonuses. All made possible by outsourcing.
The Best Capitalist Business Practices Award ceremony will be presented on May 1, 2009 at 10:00 a.m. (in order to make the evening news on NY1). The ceremony will be on the steps of the Brooklyn Public Library at Grand Army Plaza.
While you are here, the Prospect Heights Entrepreneurs Without Portfolio (PHEWP) will present a special investment proposal to Goldman-Sachs that will increase your profits next quarter (it is guaranteed by the U.S. Treasury).
The PHEWP is seeking your investment in the
Fund to Save the Luxury Greenbrier from becoming A Toxic Asset. Our research shows that luxury hotels are being forced into bankruptcy which certainly makes them toxic. While there are several properties that will soon be bankrupt, our first choice is The Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia. We are proposing to make this location a luxury retirement home for us, oops, I mean the shareholders of the PHEWP. If we purchase this toxic asset now, we can train the staff so that they won't hurt us when we become really old. This is a win-win proposal because we know how much the bank and finance industry executives have enjoyed their conference held every fall with representatives from the U.S. Congress and Federal Agencies.
We look forward to your visit on May 1, 2009. There will be a brief dance of the Maypole prior to the award presentation. Please rsvp as soon as possible to PHEWP@seynah.blogspot.com. We want to arrange for the appropriate media coverage.